You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
