Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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