I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
