I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
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