i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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