is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
