went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize
