i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
