I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was confusing and full of hummus
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
