My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
