You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
