Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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