I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
