wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
