I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
