I heard we made out
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
