i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
