We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
