the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
