I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
