Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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