oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
