He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
