the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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