i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
