If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
