Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
