I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
