i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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