If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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