I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
