I'm gonna have a badass scar
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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