On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
