He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
