I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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