I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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