I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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