wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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