There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
