I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
