I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
