i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There r osticjed everywhere
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
did i just pee glitter
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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