We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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