You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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