So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
