I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
