you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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