Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
