It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
