Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
