I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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