Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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