Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
