whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
