They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
