We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
