wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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