Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
