if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They are going to name an STD after you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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