hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
