He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
