Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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