Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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